It's all my fault....

I sometimes wonder am i suitable to get into a relationship....

I'm a bad girlfriend and i know it..

But i simply don't know how to change for the better...

Maybe i should consider just staying single for the rest of my life..

Not even 1 month yet and i realise we can hang on to the phone not saying one word...

I've got bad feelings now..

I really don't want to PMS and he has to bear with it..

I know he's unhappy and yet i could do nothing...

He insisted in accompanying me on the phone everyday..

Even if he's tired or not feeling well..

I wonder if it's because we've just started not long ago or he's still young...

Or maybe it's my problem...

Maybe he's been too nice and i'm unappreciative...

I think i might have preferred my freedom more than a company...

wonder if i could bear to let him go at this point of time..

Don't wish to hurt him..

Maybe i shouldn't have even agreed in the first place...

It's all my fault.....

PISSED!

FUCKING PISSED!!!

Poof...

WHY???

Shall start with the story...

25th June 2008..

Supposedlyshould be at LTH for FYP...

BUT got a fever and can't get out of bed...

6am in the morning...

Very blur but still in some right mind to bother to sms my BELOVED team leader that i'm down with fever and can't make it..

TRied waiting a while..

No Reply...

Tak Boleh Tahan..

Doze off...

With all those buzzing from my phone

but wasn't on purpose that i didn't reply or pick up..

I didn't even reply my boyfriend duh...

Woke up and saw this message from the team leader...

"I want a detailed explanation from all of you tomorrow regarding your absence today and why you did not bother to inform me so we meet before lunch"

Duh....

How could you say i did not inform you when i actually did early in the morning at 6?

then..

"Ok i never say the message but you should also inform the rest sebas woke up late and weishen when there alone"

Oi...WTF??

U r the team leader leh..

Of course i inform u l...

Waste my sms to tell everyone..

You never even inform ALL of us that you weren't going either??

"Dun do that again next time if i don't reply u should go there or t least inform the rest dun thinktat i dun reply mens u dun need to go it dun work tt way"

I was fuming mad by the time i saw this

And imagine i'm running a fever??!!

I bet my temperature went up to 40 degree celcius..

I replied...

How do u expect me to go when i cannot even get down my bed? If i could i wouldn't have even sent that sms. And i was not even in the right mind to think of smsing the rest...In that case i am sorry for not informing the rest. But don't you owe me an apology for sayig i did not inform u when i actually did?

"Tat's my mistake so next time inform the rest also"

WTF..

I bowed down to say sorry but he did not...

FARK...

Call me petty..

Watever..

I swallow my pride so much already..

There's a limit to everything...

Went for the meeting just now..

I wasn't at fault so he cannot scold me..

Now every thursday have to report what time we went and what time we left on Wednesday...

argh...

whatever la..

case closed...

ARGH...

I wan my pay NOW!!!!

Kao...when was the last time i'm so desperately poor???

Thanks to the company for giving out my paycheque so late...

Geez..

Must control control control..

Muz control not only mine but his finances too..

No more cab for u..

No more spending blindly..for both of us..

Asking to save only $50 a month for him isn't too much right..

But i doubt $450 would be enough for a spendthrift like him..

I have to spend all my weekends working just to get enough money..

In fact it ain't enough..

Maybe i should realy consider getting another job for the weekdays..

Even if it's just a few hours it'd be enough i guess...

I wan to save money..

But living life this way isn't gonna help...

Felt so much better after msging that guy and letting him know i'm attached..

Don't know if i did hurt him nd he voided me or not..

From what he told me it's because his sms was over the limit that's y he didn't contact me..

Which i think i bullshit..

But whatever it is...

Not important anymore..

Most important thing is i've gotten it off my chest and i feel so much better~

:)

Now all i have to do is to explain to him...

Explain explain explain...

And hell did i get a shock this morning...

As usual didn't go to school...

But this time i'm really dead tired..

I can't even recall when was the last time i really had enough sleep...

I slept around 10 plus last night and till 11 plus today...

Ran out of the house before my dad comes home and relise i skipped school again...

Before that when i woke up i saw his buddy's msg...

where on earth did that guy get my number from..

We met like only once and nearly picked a fight..(playfully that is)

And after that i haven't seen him...

Wonder what this guy is up to...

hmmm..

heck la..

Tomorrow going to school(confirm kena scolding by the girls..)

Shall present first and run off to meet my boy for his doctor appointment...

Haix....

How i wish he couldjust be a good soldier....

18th june 2008...

And i haven't got my pay yet!

I'm like so freaking broke can..

And same goes to my boy..Two poor souls..Anyone has any lobang for fast cash?

Maybe i could allow him to get involve in some a-little-against-principles activities..

Then perhaps our lives could be better..

I actually don't even mind if he "drives" his family car around to save on trnsport..

But at the speed he goes....Er...

Scary...

People date and i date...But why do i always face problems..

He's been very nice to me till now..Or rather too nice..

So nice till i feel uneasy at times..Could have been the fact that i'm older..I feel more like his mother than his girlfriend...

Taking care of his stomach....Making sure he's like not hungry..

Cooking him a meal before he even got out from bed...

Like yesterday....

Wasn't very appetising but at least the food was edible...

Washing his boxers for him...

Did things like we were already married rather than we're only dating...

And this point was picked out by him first..

His tries to pamper me makes me feel awkward..

Don't call me crazy..

I'm so used to being alone without all those sweet-nothings and pamperings from ex-boyfriends that i totally forgot such things exist...

What's happen in future remains unknown...

He might be the one..or might not be,...

No one knows..

I just hope he'd chnge for the better and i'd be happy already..

See.

I'm sounding even more like mother now...

FYP FYP FYP....

Sian...

Gott wake up at 6..which is like around 4 hours later...

Gotta go to bed before i really cannot wake up at all later....

CIAOZ..

Day 6.....

Must i say anymore?

Introducing..

My current boy....

OOPS?!

A Message to Mr Nobody...

I've been told that I'm the 6th...

Wonder to totally believe or remain as what I'm thinking now..

Have told the informant that i hadn't put in much of my heart in yet..

But seems like no matter what i say...

She's dead sure I'd sink in anyway...

And i wonder if her source was even reliable..

Not that i trust him either...

Everything to me is so..

Ambiguous....

Admit I've really lost faith in such things already..

But at least I'm still willing to give it a shot..

And things like this have to come into the picture when I'm just trying to move on..

I don't picture a future ahead..

I've already prepared myself to stick to my mum and dad for the rest of my life..

And only them with no one else..

Guess someone would be saying.. "Is she nuts?" or "there she goes again.." in their heart...

I do feel weird with him around..

Especially when he's like sticking to me almost 24/7 except the time when I'm sleeping..

I'm no fan to superglues..

In fact i hate them..

The fact that i want to hurt no one end up with me getting hurt instead..

When will this gonna stop..

The day when i totally give up on guys and go after girls instead?

Or the day when i totally give up both sexes for good?

Ahh...

Life...

Full of nothing but shit...

How i wish my life wouldn't be too long...

Don't call me crazy again..

I'm not..

It's a fact nowadays..

That..

People are more afraid to live long than to die early..

Why?

Think about it..

Think about the life you've gone and is still going through...

Think about the future that we are to face...

I'm very very negative minded...

And that 's a known fact to everyone who knows me long and good enough...

I'm not being emo again...

I'm just trying to say things that i simply cannot express to anyone..

So..

What do i want in life?

Nothing...

A simple life with nothing...

:)

Gotta go to bed already...

Don't want to wake up too latesince i'm meting him to go to the hospital tomorrow...

Hurt his back while riding his bike..

As in bicycle just now...

Don't think too much..

I'm just doing what a girlfriend should supposedly do...

And i'm sorry to the guy whom i disappointed..

You're good..

I'm just not the one for you..

You have big dreams while i have none..

You've got a great future while i guess i'd just be nothing but tripping stone for you..

All the best to whatever you'd do..

Wish you'd see this but i guess not..

And..

I'm sorry....

ONLY 28 PEOPLE N THE WORLD CAN READ THIS...CAN YOU?

Message: Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!if you can raed tihs rpsoet it.

I LUB U,MUMMY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!

I LOVE U!!!!

Steamboat plus hotplate dinner at Chong Pang Steamboat..

Er...at Boon Keng...

Hee hee hee...

Hmmm...Am i enjoying couplehood??

I wonder..

Haix....

Officially...

Don't call me crazy...

I actually accepted a younger guy...

....

Haiz...

Hope i'm right this time...

LTH LTh Lth....BAH!!

2 days of work at Century Square...

Was nothing but BORING!

I'm glad it's over :)

Oh..and thanks to Mr Jon who picked me up yesterday.. :)

DAY #2 at LTH....

Look Ma! No Shoes!!!!

A funny trend in this company..

Okay fine..

Not a trend but must..

But..Interesting.. Hmmm...

Introducing my FYP team mates...

Wei Shen who was em.....too tired i suppose?

The Boss.....

Don act eh.....

And Lastly.....

Sebas????

Where did he go..

Must be snaking around again....

Now u come back.....

Don act hardworking lar....

Wah....Business man arh???Hahaha...

Spot the socks too...

Heng no hole....

Done~~~

Should be going off any minute soon...

Dumb Mr Jon is sick...

And i've got to go to him..

Don't ask why..

Cox i dono the answer either..

:)

MOS = BORING

Was suppose to go Phuture with the girls today..

But guess wad...

The tickets were freaking ex...

$35 for both Ladies and Men...

$35 for Phuture

$35 for Zouk

$35 for Velvet Underground..

Duh......

SO..

Ended up at MOS...

W's Cal was there with his frens..

So...

Formed a group...

I hate to say but i have to...

The songs SUCKS....

Sucks big time..

So bored that i did stupid actions when some songs played..

And Cal's fren played along...

The happenings that continued weren't important...

But i have to say...

I can't remember when was the last time i laugh so hard that my stomach hurt...

Really had a good laugh and a good companion (since the 2 were sticking to each other like glue leaving me alone #$%$#) ...

Which made my nite to turn out not as bad as expected...

Headed to Mac to eat and then headed home...

P/S: It's pretty disappointing for my friends to not understand me after these few years....

P/P/S: How many younger guys do i have to know before i could meet someone older?......