I wish.....

Why is it that whenever I try to reach you through your phone these few days, I can never get through?? Am I too irritating or what?? I don’t even call you or msg you like everyday…. When you first return to KL, you would make the effort to msg me or reply me when you have the time sending me msgs with “I miss you”…Now….I don even c a msg….When if I msg u, u take ages to reply me…Even if you are staying at your own hometown for good, can you just let me know?? Why do I get the feeling that you are avoiding me??? I certainly hope it’s just me thinking too much…I really don’t want to end up realizing that I have been fooled…I really don’t want to be the last one o know….I don’t…… I sometimes really wonder if you are really the one for me…. I sometimes even wonder if you are serious about me….People around me keep telling me to just break off….And that I am still young, I shouldn’t waste my youth on a 27year old, known to all as a fiery-tempered short guy and an international playboy from Malaysia…..I have already let you know that I don’t want to get cheated…..I am scared of getting hurt again…I know I am wrong for having so little trust in you…But couldn’t you at least show me that you care…..Assure me that you will not make the mistakes again rather than just telling me to avoid you like others just because I think you are a bad guy like the others. Can’t you even try to explain a little just to show me that you bother to explain because I have a place in your heart??? I really don’t understand…Why is it that you are so different from other guys??? Can’t you be a little more open towards me?? I don’t have the right to interfere your life….But don’t I even have the right to share your happiness and problems???? I don’t even understand you most of the time…I don’t even try to tie you to me….I know that you don’t intend to settle down.. and I am not even forcing you to accompany to walk through the rest of my life… All I hope for is only a very normal dating life…. I don’t want to be hiding… I don’t want to have a boyfriend but feel as if I don’t have one….. I really envy those couples wherever I see….They are so happy…They would hold hands in public, not worried to be seen,,,,, But us?? You don’t even dare to let me hold your arm in the MRT….I wasn’t even doing anything.. Just holding on to your arm…And all you tell me is, people are watching….Hello… Just tell me what’s wrong with me holding your arm in public?? I’m not even trying to smooch you in public….which I think I will never do….. You were never there when I needed you….. How I wish we could go back to the starting period when you will just accompany me for awhile under the blocks, lending me your ear about my problems…. I thank you for allowing me to kick off my ex off my mind…. Is it true that guys will just throw girls away when they get what they want or when they failed to get what they want from their target??? It makes me have the perception that there are no longer good guys in this world… Honestly, I no longer believe in true love…. I no longer plan of even getting married in future….. How I sometimes wish that love doesn’t exist…..I wish…….


These few days i din do anything in school except playing online games...lazy huh..........

wad the hell amn...i din even realise the chinese words i wrote afew days ago cannot be read.... Only those farney farney words came out...make me look like as if i'm scolding some vulgarities... I'm like so sian lo.... Today out of 24...only 16 came to class...change faci liao..sian...but hopefully this woman will give me better grades than that miss seow....the ex-stwardess and ex-lawyer....who gave me straught Cs...juz 'cuz i don talk cock....and that john young...who gave me a C juz b'cuz i din submit my RJ...haix...but today din do anything lo...i'm like really slacking the whole day...haix...don tell me i hab to continue lidat for 3 yrs????haix.....This morning when i'm in school i msg him what is he doing and he din reply me until like 5 plus..... All he told me was that he's sick and is resting at home and he have been taking medicine and sleeping all these while....I was like..Ar....Not again... I sometimes feel like is he sme kind of a sick chicken??Maybe i'm too sacarstic...although he may be my..ahem...boyfriend..but sometimes i really get so pissed off with him... he's like..jobless now... and how could he possibly get sick?? Before dat if he get sick i can assume dat..ok..it's due to his work..maybe he work too much and didn't take good care of himself...but now?? Honestly, i'm still not very happy with him gambling and end up owing people money....and he still dare to tell me dat he'll go back to Genting to try and recoup his loses...knowing very well that i'll get angry with him AGAIN..... Sometimes i wonder...did i even really scold him all these while..before that all i did was just grumble or keep quiet when i wasn't very happy.. but this gambling and owing people money and trying to recoup his loses thingy really cannot take it lo... I don wish to c him like my brother.... he use to bet on soccer and end up losing and owing people money... And those creditors always call up and look for him.... they even scold my mum lo..it's like...what has my bro owing u idiots money gt to do wib my mum???.... Even threaten my mum that if he doesn't pay up, they'll beat him to death.... Wad the F*** lo...... I really don wish to c him end up like my bro...though my bro now ok le....haix....headache..... I really don expect much from him lo.... even if he is fooling ard wib me...( i seriously hope not)I juz wish dat he's safe and happy..... hope he's still alright....Am looking forward to see him this or next weekend...hopefully... i miz him lyk hell.....

. . .

Haiz....Back to school is so sian....First day of school i hab to do the ppt...damn sian lo...i don even know wad we r doing..it's like doing an aimless presentation....During the actual presentation, be the first grp也就算了...the 2 china students still can argue when it's their turn to present..pek chek lo....confirm get C liao....Yst oso...but i din do anything...Excel i dono how to use..den the ppt oso dono do wad....juz..haix...wad the hell la...today nv go sch....cnt wake up~but gd oso la...more slp for me....but confirm cnt let him know..if not he'll surely scold me until 臭头wan.....haiz..how i wish he is right here wib me..i'm missing him like hell.. haix.....wait wait wait................................

男人心，海底深。。。。。 Isn't this so very true at times?? Haiz..though i'm hapy to hear his voice..but he really made me angry....bet on soccer ok..i can tahan if it's only a sall bet....but afetr he loose money here..he go back M'sia and went to Genting to gamble...wad the.....Gamble就算了　。。。还欠别人钱。。。Ah...I know he got nth to do except gamble now since he's out of job...but play play a little nvm...now he owe ppl money... haiz....so disappointed...but i'll be waiting for him to come back either tis coming weekend or the nxt weekend....hopefully i'll really get to c him tis time...
Yst went to watch Garfield 2 wib yin min and dat auntie yu xin.... i tot she really pregnant.... wib dat auntie top dat is so loose...plus her spare tyre..ha ha~~hopefully she wun really get pregnant and b more carefully when she's ~~ahem.....hee~~ah min gave me and her a necklae...simple but nice~hee~but dono wad's the occassion....ha ha~~thx aniway~
Today my god-sis de solemnization honestly is damn sian..shldn't hab gone...haiz...nearly bored to death....my day today is juz plain SIAN....haiz..today last day of my school haolidays le..so damn sian..there goes my holiday....had tot of going to KL to find him during the holidays..but didn't hab the time...so...haiz....算了。。。等他回来再说吧。。。。。。

~*~Feels gd to b dRunK....~*~

sometimes i really feel that it's better to b drunk...haben been sleeping well these days... juz finished one whole bottle of liquor....tink is i finish too fast so my face damn red.....now really feel like sleeping.... sometimes i wonder if i made the right decision about him.... i really feel hard to understand and trust him....he refuse to open up.....to him..it's no point explaining things....i really wonder juz wad am i to him....do i even hab a place in his heart.... shldn't he even try to explain things to me....i don expect much from him..i don even expect him to b by my side.... if he really treat me as his gf, shldn't he even say some things to let me feel assured.....let me hab he security dat i nid..... don't he even know dat no matter wad...i'm still a girl....i also nid someone to love and pamper at times..is dat even so hard for him..... all he tell me whenever we r on the fone is study hard....don't think so much.....long-dist calls are ex......juz wad is wrong?????All i nid is a guy hu likes me and i like for wad we both r.....all i nid is a companion........ he keep telling me dat we hab a gap...true enuf we do...i'm trying to mend the gap by trying to undrstand him.....i really is tryin...but wad abt him..i'm really tired.....can i juz let go and not tink abt such things anymore.........can i go on with my life w/o a guy.......can i juz continue wib a life of onli working and w/o relationships..can i................. i'm really lost..the whole world is askin me to ditch him.... but it's really not easy.... if it were dat easy i wld hab already let go....will i still wait till now... think i'm realy drunk le.......i really nid a break.....i nid a gd nite's slp......
i'm tired.................................................

~*~sad sad days....~*~

these few days haben been good to me....so sick and tired of everyone forcing me to give him up... can they plz don force me... they r making me so frustrated wib them and myself.....i believe that evryone makes mistakes..but as long as he can change and n0t make the same mistake again~ i don y we shld avoid them.....sick and tired of trying to explain dat i hab NV done anything wib him on bed~y don she believe me??? Do i look so cheap???Does it mean that i like him so much i will let him have my whole body?????????? i'm so sian......i don to be crying myself to slp every nite b'coz of those forcing..... i relly wan to wait till he come back the end of the mth....i don ask for much.....y can't i juz choose to stay by his side....whether he has a wife in m'sia is not the issue....although i do believe a little that he made a woman pregnant and refuse to acknowledge the child.....dat is already his past....y wun anyone stand by me???y is it dat they don support me......but thanx to my ah min.....she's the only one supporting me...thank you mei~~ If u really make up ur mind to forget chun hwee~i'll support eu de~~

~*~Holiday!!~*~

Yst ah min damn farney...dono wad's wrong wib her....dono is think too much of her sunny le or really thinking of whether to buy the chain r some acessory or not.....we went down the escalator and she nearly went up again..hee~~~to think of it, it's damn farney~~ haha~~~Ah min....don b so blur le la....he~~
Today damn finally show my really buay song face to my class...Ma de...oways say me....muz b b'cuz i nv sho them dat i get angry oso dat's y they keep teasing me until today....as soon as i show dat face they diam qu~~~shuang...but still damn fed up..tml and sunday hab to work...monday got class outing as sentosa...wondering whether to go anot......sian.....haiz....waiting for that nan ren to come back....hopefully he put my aeroplane again...wonder how is he.... did he grow even thinner...had he grown any taller...which shld b impossible since he already 27....hmm...miz him....