la la la~

Hmm....Sian ah~~~Finally gt my pay le.....$300 plus nia... damn sian la..haix..to tink i hab to still rely on him..my atm cum my dono-ex-or-present-bf..... Though he say he don mind...but i still tink he does....and i tink i'll nid to pay him back for the rest of my life...hmm..stuck with the same OLD guy for 2 years....And i still don really understand apart from his "horrible temper" from what he rest told me abt... Was damn sad on Saturday...Wasn't really happy with my sis-in-law....feel damn stressed la... She's the type who will juz nag at alomost every little thing she don like.... Was folding clothes that particular day and was nearing lunch..And she told me to eat lunch and all i answered was a simple and soft.. "mmm"...I admit i was slow...but i don't rmb giving her a face~~sriously if she's unhappy with my looks~~i'm so sorry..there's nothing i can do since my mum bore me with this kind of face..what u wan me to do?go under the knife? nd all my bro did was just to get a chair for me from the kitchen and do u have to ask him "why must u take for her?"..For goodness sake la.... i'm his sister leh...help me take cnt meh??I bear with her very long le leh...i must really say that i "admire" my bro for being able to tolerate her.... Bro...seriously..i also stress de leh....Not i don wan to help u..I tried to avoid dong things which she don like le...And i even stop talking to her unless necessary liao..what u wan me to do?...I was brought up in a life totlly different from hers and u know that very well since u were brought up the same way...U said that u know my temper is not good either....so can't u even tell that i'm already trying to avoid having disputes with her...It does hurt me when i c u 2 arguing because of me...Do u tink i feel good?I really don't lo....Dat very saturday my mum went to play majhong...and my dad sent her to the place..before she went out, she told me to go out if i want to...and my dad too...said the same thing to me after he came back after sending my mum to her khakis...After all, it's still my parents who know me best....Taking a breather outside the whole day is better den cooping myself up in the house with her after the incident in the morning.... Seriously i didn't feel good... i spent the whole morning crying silently....forced myself not to cry..but my tears didn't seem to listen to me...Took my bath and out i go...took an hours bus to vivo... had wanted to look for my atm...saw him..but he was busy....had told him earlier on that i would be looking for him...or rather..juz take a look at him... he was quite busy... haix..had needed a shoulder and a pair of ears....but apparently i'll never get what i need....and i ended up rotting at vivo for 3 hrs..at the same time hunting for gifts for my 2 little monsters...and ended up not even talking to him...the only thing he said was.."eh...wait har.."...couldn't really wait any longer...so juz walked out of tangs and msg him and said bye...For the 2 yrs that i've known him, he had never returned a call so fast...and i meant NEVER... Brian lim...seriously....sometimes i really don understand him...sometimes u r so cold and sometimes u can be so concerned all of a sudden...that nite when i said i was okay...i lied...i wasn't...i needed a shoulder so much that all i could rely on was the wall...sad huh.... i realised that whenever i am down, no one will ever be there for me...just like this blog....perhaps only a few people..who MAY care or just came in to look for the sake of looking.... i realised i am so pathetic...i can be so extra in a group at time tht people take a long time to realise that i am there.... Used to like to socilise with people..but not anymore... the much more autistic part of me has resurfaced... i sometimes envy people who have at least 1 or 2 very close frens who share their happiness and woes and are so happy... Do i have close friends?I did....Friends make other friends too...have other commitments..bfs...family....studies..whatever.... Sometimes a lack of communiction causes a breakdown in a relationship...and that applies to friendship too....When friends find that they no longer have something in common or rather something to talk about...the bond just like in BGR dies off.... I don't blame anyone for me ending up so pathetic...i can only blame myself....blame my personality....Some people who saw my blog posts would ask me..y are some of ur posts so pathetic...u exaggerate la....seriously..i did not... i nedded space to pour out my heart...i couldn't express myself in words verbally..all i could do was to type it down...and relief myself....or sooner or later..i may go nuts bottling up my feelings...


Looking forward to spending my X'mas in Malaysia...that's my only holiday in this holiday since i'm working like from Mondays to Fridays...Office hours....which is so like school....gonna go to bed~~



NUF SAID