~*~Reflections of a future old virgin....~*~

Die an old virgin... Wow...hmm....Don't ask me why i thought of this title.Juz thought of it and that's it....Ok..i'm out of my mind...Frustrated today....When Sai called me a "Malaysian" i juz couldn't be bothered until later and next when he said something until it's like my fault that HE can't get his cafe food when that idiot librarian said..no food in the library..I said..Fine..ok....my fault..Den i go back la....But end up i din... But the damn library..No food and drinks....Den what for put a stupid dumb dumb cafe inside the library....Aren't those things called FOOD??!! Stupid school with stupid structure and stupid system..... Really no motivation to go to that woodlands IMH~~~ Note..IMH stands for Institute of Mental Health..juz in case some goodo can't figure out what is it....
Back to school.....Wilson dono is PMS or what..so unlike himself today... But what irritates me is that he came over and kick my chair and scolded vulgarities at me for nothing la... FARKER!!! Idiot la...I din even provoke him la...

so sian..dono to go or not tml...but got UT...sian....

Attention Brian Lim Keng Tong(as if he'll see)..... I feel damn not loved la..... U don't even show a very normal concern to me la... I think you'll be either the last or may not even know if something serious were to happen to me.....Including Death.......

I'm not thinking of suicide..don worry.... I'm not so idiotic to die juz because of a man....Obviously, it's not worth it....It's not worth to die over any guy.... I may die for my dad or my brothers bt definitly not for a guy....unless i'm stressed out by other things....

I sometimes wonder... Are all the things in our life predestinated or can we change our fate with our own hands??? Sometimes i feel that some things are fated to be....And sometimes, things can go the other way round if we were to try to change it...I sometimes can't help but wonder...Is me meeting him fated or can i change my own fate....He's in Singapore le...And i know he's very frustrated about his job-hunting..He had apologised to me for puttng me aside all these while....At least i feel relieved that he did realise he had neglected me all these while.... I sometimes really feel useless....I know he's frustrated and i can't help him..All he told me was to study hard as it is important..Well, of course i know the importance of studies but i simply hate studying and he knows it.... But at least i did not give up going to school...At least i chose to continue my studies in a polytechnic and didn't just stop at O'levels....I always have the feeling that we will not last and i'm kinda prepared for it... I know he's afraid of commitment and i won't expect him to do so....Sometimes i wonder if it's better for us to not have that "bf,gf"thingy....i wonder if it's better for us to be just normal friends..maybe this way, we are happier.... but everyone knows..it's hard......damn hard.......


Today damn cham...dono wad's wrong wib myself..keep having mood swing............Before leaving school still "hai" le xiu hui lose her RJ...so sorry babe~~~Tml got UT....Retest somemore.....sian...haiz...go back to my movie...... "The King And The Clown"...Lee Joon Ki damn pretty la...ha ha~~~....Endz.....

x..haiz..x

These 2 days r lyk shit...Yst din go to school..was too sian to go... Woke up ard 11 plus and went out ard 2.00.....Suppose to go Raffles City de outlet but end up juz before i reach...Jen call me and ask me go Taka..Too bad i was wearing jeans..cnt go..Den she ask me go Great World.....I was like..Wad the hell la.....Excuse me.... There's no bus to go to Great World from City Hall la..... Sian...Den hab to take MRT go Orchard... Take a shuttle bus outside Tangs to go there.....Wad the F...la...... 2 idiotic hours to reach Great World..Wad the.... ReACH THERE ALREADY 4.00..... Heng dat Sharon not too bad.... She ask me to juz leave at 9.30 without saying anything....Juz to spare me from sweeping and mopping the floor...The shop is like damn big la..Heng no nid me to clean..If not i sure collapse...But i went to the wrong bus stop to take a bus home..End up have to go one big round....Sian....


Today went Raffles Place AGAIN... Same thing happen.... They ask me go City Link..Heng is downstairs nia..If ask me to go somewhere else AGAIN i rather don work la... Make me feel damn unwanted la...If i not "gian peng" i juz quit liao... City Link de ppl not bad neh....much much much better den Plaza Singapura and Marina Square de... At least i feel like human.. Did lots and lots and lots of cashiering today....today de sales over $1800~~~Haiz..tired tired tired...go to bed liao............. ZzZzZzZz........



***"gian peng" = something like damn hard-up for money..dono how to explain oso...

suay suay suay~~~~

I can't be more suay la.....this week is like so ta ma de la...last sunday suppose to work morning...end up i forgot about it and end up sleeping until 9.30am and have to bia cab down to Taka wasted $10 bucks lo..sian...During work...the full-timer...dono is PMS or wad....give me that f**king look on her face...wad the F la.... U moody ur prob la...show us that face for wad..F man...After work...walk over to somerset to take bus home....Pu bor~~Some stupid woman..... Dono whther she know how to drive anot....Tried to chiong the red light end up too late so stuck in the middle of the crossing... Green man showing so i should croww liao...den i juz cross lor...but that idiotic woman reverse~~F sia.....idiot....if i don move back think my feet would be crushed liao...I'm like a few seconds to becoming a disabled.....Wad the....

so so so sian......really sick and tired of life....

My dad ask me to go over to Australia after i graduate from poly in 3 yrs time....He says that with a logistics diploma, it's easier to find a job over there...I was thinking if i really wer to go over..den i think most likely i will never come back le ba...Such things are hard to say....3 yrs...who know's what will happen.... i may or may not be attached by then..who know's...i may be married in 3 years time.....who knows~ha ha~~~~~~~~~~~



~~Time Will Tell~~

o.O

Friday.... The last day of school day..... Others will rather go out and chill out but for me... hee....rather stay at home and rot....... Wonder why some people can stay out for like 16 hours outside their homes and i can stay at home for the same amount of time.... Sometimes dono why...Juz very tired to go out... The thought of walkng out of my home door makes me sick... Sorry YuLing.... Really damn lazy to go Sentosa.... Or rather to even go out... But confirm will go clubbing again one day de... hee.... Sorry...Even if i wan go don think this month can make it... Damn brok le... Spent too much...And i have to depend on the remainder of my money for the rest of the month and save some for next month.....

Sian ar..... Yst went back Taka... Shouldn't have gone back.... I'm like boiling when i saw the schedule... Shit lo.... Dat idiot Jennifer.... She really sweep out all of us the senior part-timers...... She left only the newer part-timers and her daughter on the schedule...wad the F*** la..... Damn la.... Don wan me lao can at least tell me wad.... F**ker....B**CH!!!! Thanks to her... Next month i hab to drink the wind to live on liao.....Idiot~~~~ Really muz look for another job before i starve le...but who will hire me???

Called him juz now...I know i shouldn't....i know i should hab stopped myself from doing stupid things....Ok...But at least i feel more at ease...At least he bother to pick up the fone... but he really make me boil... the first thing is say to me is "been looking for me lke hell huh".....den i'm lke...wth~~ u know i'm looking for u like hell and u refuse to take my calls.... somemore can tell me... "din answer ur calls coz got no mood to listen to my voice"...OOI!!!! Do my voce make u even more moody??? Wad do u treat me as?? I mean..helo..... U wen t missing for weeks and this is what u tell me when u finally take my call???DAH!!! But aniway....he's comng back the end of the month..Din really talk to him and told him i have something to do....Ok...Once again..Wait for him to come back...Last time i'm going to wait.....

waiting for fad to email me the IG de thing...If not cnt do..........Waiting.........

sian sian~~

Last Saturday went to Devils wib yu xin, yu ling and her frens~~paid 20 bucks and only can redeem 1 drink...so sian lo...seems like only yu xin enjoy the music...i find it quite ok la...juz dat a little sian....but ta ma de.... some idiotic guy bua my butt~~~ma de...E malay guy nvm la....since he's someone dat one of us know...but dat idiotic chinese guy~wad the....from dat time we juz went in and dat siao char bor yu xin start to dance the guys r looking at her liao....but din expect them to surround me n her after yu ling and her frens left to make a phone call or wad.... thanx to her la..must b her shaking la....if not they wun come over...ma de..damn sick la..bua my butt den hold my waist and arms... i din do much except push it away liao...den he can still say bye bye to us before he leave... reach there abt 11.30 but 1.30 me n yu xin left le... don like to go home too late.... Yu xin intro a job at Nokia shop......honestly...look at dat woman....got only 1 kind of feelin......bitch......she wear until her canal can c lo...den the way she tok...and her behaviour like shit lo...really don hab a good impression of her.... honestly...don feel like accepting the job....hab a damn farney feeling inside me telling me dat this woman cannot be trusted.....



Really very tired....getting more and more restless....dono y...seems like no matter how much slp i get, i still get very restless.... very easily get pek chek...haiz...Wednesday i tink i pon sch......hab to go and take my blood test......and don wan to c dt stupid bitch.....dat "ya lor" auntie........f***la.... gip me a D...my first D.......wad the...hate it like hell.....

xSad....x

Haiz...i sometimes feel dat i'm so useless.... My whole life is like shit....... Esp my love life and sch life....Though my family life sux a little...but it's still alright... Never hab i ...NEVER hab i met a good guy before....so damn tired....i'm still sleepy even though i have enuf sleep.....i keep feeling restless..keep having dat feeling dat i'm collapsing anytime..... so sick n tired of life.... shld i juz end this so called "relationship"??? i feel that i am nth in his eart...the call dat was suppose to come never came....the promises he made never came true......the feeling of love...gone.....wad am i to do? if i were to end now...all my time...my youth....my tears and my braincells are wasted....the waited wasn't short...i am tired..i feel like leting go..but sometimes feel dat..it's such a watse...he may not b a good guy....but we love someone for wad they are isn't it...i fell right in knowing dat he wasn't a good guy...but i believe dat as long as he doesn't make the same mistakes again...we can forgive and forget.......i believe he is a good guy in nature..the prob wib him is dat he don't like to show his true self in front of people..he's like wearing a mask and facing people................i'm tired.....................................................................can i juz keep slpin and not think of anything???...............................................

dotz....

Haiz...wad a sian day... i practically din do anything today...Went to the hair salon wib my mum today to cut hair.... we spent $283 bucks lo..i'm like duh~.... We cut and wash onli lo...mine is $26 and my mum's $20... my mum bought those facial thingy dat the lady boss recommended...but ok la...since she told my mum to try on the spot...there my mum go again.... spend money....now i know where my genes come from...from my mum..buti use to be quite thrify...though now i still quite gei gao most of the time.... but now i mostly spend on food....i don mind spurging on expensive food, provided the food must be good.... but i mind spending a lot on clothes..... honestly....most of my clothes i buy are normally between 5 to 20 bucks... those nearer to 20 bucks de are those jackets of mine... the more expensive clothes in my wardrobe are all paid by my spendthrift mum....Ard 50 bucks fr a demin dress... almost 60 bucks for a Triumph bra.... 30 bucks Mango sweater bought at half price during a sale.. The rest are like...cheapskate things..those ulu ulu brands dat i bought from the roadside stalls at the market....


ok.... back to my hair...that auntie say i gt oily scalp..sobz....den ask my mum to buy me the shampoo..den my mum was like..ok buy lo....den after dat that auntie bring another treatment thingy den tell me dat after using the shampoo, my hair will b damn rough..will "da jie" den say my mum oso can use...dn my mum really buy both...add up to lyk 46bucks....don ask me y we end up paying $283.... i was really lyk wad the... but suan le.."ai mei shi nu ren de tian xing"...dat auntie keep empahsising dat only the cleanser dat we use once or twice a week i can use..the rest of the facial thingy i CANNOT use.... Plz lo...u ask me to use i oso wun use.... sometimes i may oso b ai mei la..but so ma fan...damn lazy to use oso....hee....but anyway...she use the straighten hair de thingy to straighten my hair....so loooooooong nv c myself ij straight hair liao..so bu xi guan...but tml after bath jiu mei le~~hee......


i wait for him wait until wan to cry le..haiz....suan le... maybe i shld really think thru abt me n him....